She said her name was "party"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize