never play flip cup with pint glasses
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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