your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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