On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
