hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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