someone threw a dead crab at me
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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