I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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