I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
23 People Confess The Lamest Things They’ve Ever Done To Fit In
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.