the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"