Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me