We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
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"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
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I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.