Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
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i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
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The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM