dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
