I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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