just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
