I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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