My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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