I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
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I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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