nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
