I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
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Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
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Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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