Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
