Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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