a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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