When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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