she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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