Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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