she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
