My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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