Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
