Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
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I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
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I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.