glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!