let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
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We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?