i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
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she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.