I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
