I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Be still, my beating vagina.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
