theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize