I didn't shave. On purpose
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
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He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
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I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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