check it out our google latitudes are spooning
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
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We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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