at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize