I just pynch a tree in the face
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
