Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
