i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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