i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
false alarm, still single
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
