I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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