between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
