i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Are we still banned from the library?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
