she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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