Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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