Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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