I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize