I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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