I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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