We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
