I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
