so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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