I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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