so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
